More than I can hold in (plus an update).

Do you know what was taken from me?! Do you know what I do not have, what I am not getting right now?!

Do you have a best friend? Do you have a significant other? Do you have a living conscience ? A true North? Do have a past or future? Do you have someone to share a bed with? Do you have a lover? A secret keeper? A driving force? Do you have a better half? Do you have an anchor? Do you have unconditional support? Do you have a purpose? Do you know the person you are supposed to grow old with? I did and I don’t and I am pissed!

I want to yell at those who I know can stand it and scream at those who can’t! I want push till I’m exhausted and drink until I faint! I want to tell long held secrets and watch as bridges burn!! I want to run till I see no safe harbor and build a shelter with bare hands!! I want to stop having horrible thoughts about happy people! I want to make out with a stranger and stand for hours in the rain! I want to follow her.

She taught me how to live and then left, taking all that she was with her. Leaving me with one last promise to keep. A promise that gets harder every day. I will keep that promise love.

Breath. Deep breaths. ……………………………………………….



ok

Now for an update. The house is getting a lot of work done on it trying to get things done so that a buyers inspector won’t have too much to gripe about. The good news is that we have running water and they are done with the early morning hammer banging. The driveway should be fixed with the next two days and the pile of trash from their jobs to date should be gone tomorrow.

Job market is still horrible, but am sending off resumes etc. daily and something will work out. I have started a workout program “Insanity” which also comes with a dietary program so I am eating better and doing things to keep the body working. Less interested in the “program” part of it (the get cut in 60 days kinda thing) but really like the push yourself atmosphere and the pay attention to what you are taking in (food wise)etc.  Its festival season in the area and Farmville’s dogwood festival is next (this coming weekend). I’m obviously dateless for that event, so if anyone is planning on attending…

I am told I am in the anger stage of this whole thing (go figure) which I have also been told is good. Good movies recently…Bringing up Baby, The Philadelphia Story, The Proposal.

That’s all I got for now.