Seeing Success in My Failed Bet/Move to Massachusetts

Moving to Massachusetts was a beautiful wonderful mistake, but a mistake none the less. In the wake of loosing Kate and all she was to me, I anteed up, put on a straight face and gambled big with what little I felt I had left. I wanted a new start, financial security, and a close by group of friends. Push, Bust, Push. But I came out ahead in a way I had not at all expected.

The New start wasn’t what I had hoped for. Though Waltham was a beautiful town, It wasn’t the city (Boston). And it wasn’t near a group of my sister-in-law’s friends who had been so kind to me as and after I lost Kate. The apartment itself was great. Great windows, hard wood floors, a pool, and a wonderful view of the pool’s visitors’ ;-). And it was an easy find. A nice lady I had been emailing with since loosing Kate was moving out and agreed to let me and my roommate sublet the place. My hope was that I would use the time subletting to find a place closer into the city, but the roommate I brought up with me, a great friend of mine from college (Mac), had some financial issues (that I knew about prior to moving north) that meant any further move we made would be financed solely by me. Not only that, but our stay in Waltham alone, quickly became my sole responsibility as he started paying more for tuition than rent.

So my new start kind of fizzled. It wasn’t Greenville or Farmville. It wasn’t North Carolina. I was out there, away from everything that was her, that had been us, or had been safe. But I wasn’t free to go after bigger and better either. It was certainly new, but it wasn’t much of a start. Mac’s schooling and my supporting strained our friendship and my wallet. I did all I could and tried not to pester too much for help on bills and a date when he would start paying me back, but things got tight and my hopes of a move up north growing my pockets for a latter move back south became a dream of just breaking even.

Socially things started better. That nice lady and her husband began inviting Mac and I over for dinners and showing us the town. They introduced us to some cool people, candlepin bowling, and yummy ice cream. And together the four of us traveled to hang out with my sister-in-law’s friends. I really began thinking that whole group would be that close group of friends I had wanted in my move. They were/are cool people, incredibly kind, very fun to be around, and an extremely close group (exactly what I had wanted). So I tried a lot to be around them. I helped a few of them move a few times, supported their businesses, bands, and projects when I could, hung out and helped out with their events and simply acted as if I was one of them.

But things changed. That nice lady (Shayna) and her husband, who I had grown close to, split up and devorced. And over stories of different ways of loosing a love, Shayna and I grew close at the expense of my friendship with her ex. As my friendship with Shayna grew and grew I also stopped attending many group gatherings she feared he would be at because she feared him feeling awkward or hurting his feelings as they moved further apart and she tried to move on. Suppressing my hopes for hers as she needed to be kinder to his feelings than mine. Thus the group I never was a part of grew further and further away.

There were things I could have done better for sure. There was an opportunity once, I was invited to move in as a roommate with two of the group in a house my in-laws owned. It would have been in the city and it certainly would have given an opportunity to be closer with the group and it might have even stopped the drain on finances. It was a real clear “defining moment.” But I couldn’t go all in, even with that hand. Moving out would have put Mac in a real awful spot and while it might have given me a chance to become friends with some in the group that would have come with distancing myself from Shayna, who I had already become great friends with. And if I’m honest with myself I really feel I was never gong to be a true friend of any of theirs no matter what I did (at least not the kind of friend I wanted to be/have). I knew going in, that they were a very insular group and that I am not a very forceful person nor am I myself easy (at first) to get close to.

In the gamble moving up I feel I was over hopeful about my gambles. I should have set tighter limits on my support of Mac. I mistook the groups kindness towards a friend’s widowed brother-in-law as a move toward friendship with him. After moving up I think all sides tried, but relationships changed and being my friend and me being a friend to them, got harder.

But now Its another new start. Mac is in a better position financially than he had been. Though I cant say the same for myself, the important thing is I think though bruised our friendship survives. While I would call the Boston group friends, I don’t think hardly any of them would me and they aren’t the CLOSE friends I was hopping they would/could be. They don’t know me. That’s likely part them not trying, part awkward circumstances, and part me just being a difficult person to know. But I did get it right on a side gamble I didn’t even know I was making; Because that nice lady that let Mac and I sublet, helped show us around, swopped stories of love and loss, has become one of the closest friends I have ever had.

One day she decided it was finally time to move on and asked me out on a date. And one quickly became a hundred. Then came the day she said she was tired of New England winters and wanted to move south and she wanted me there with her. And so came the day I decided I was done with my Boston-ish gamble. I pulled the chips I had left on that table back and left the casino, moving away and placing a new bet with Shayna in Glen Allen VA (its just north of Richmond-I’m still not in the city! ;-). We are both uber excited about this move. Incredibly happy to be together in OUR fabulous new place and a fresh start together.

I don’t blame anyone (except perhaps myself). The move was from the start a gamble, it just didn’t work out the way I hoped. I’m sad about how it played out, but am happy with its ultimate result. I did get a new start, I’m not financially better off, I didn’t get to be a part of such a wonderful new close group of friends, but I did get something much better. A much more stable, happy, fulfilling bet. Push, Bust, Push, Jackpot.. Antee up, straight face, new bet…